Me and the other Gerald

ME AND THE OTHER GERALD

Yeah, yeah, I know what I said

I don't write poems about poetry

I don't write long rambling

discourses on all and sundry

but hell when it happened

something had to give or else

or else or else or else or else.

Karl Heiss started it -

sent me a copy of HIPPO

and there I am listed as contributor

but I'm not - Gerald Locklin is

and there are his biog. notes

under my name - it won't do will it?

And the same day

I get sent a review tape from SLIPSTREAM

and it's Locklin rambling on

the way he does about the minutiae of his life

how he fucks his students

and makes poems out of non-events

sure he raises a laugh or two

and some of it isn't that bad at all

Well I stuck the tape in the car-cassette player

and listened to Locklin as I went to work

I stopped at Mrs Jones'

she tells me how her washing-machine

won't do what she wants it to

asks me what my wife would do

I know what my wife would do

but I'm not going to tell that to Mrs Jones.

Back in the car Locklin is laughing at himself

Mr Iqbal wants to find out if the maturity value

of his endowment that comes up next year

will be enough to pay the dowry

for his daughter still back in Pakistan.

Locklin is talking shit about Donald Duck.

Miss Prendergast says she can't pay me this week

the Social haven't sent her her giro

and she's had to buy little Gareth new shoes.

As she bends to pick the baby's dummy off the floor

I'm treated to a clear view of her floppy breasts

and she smiles at me.

Does she want me to screw her in lieu of payment?

Well I've fifty more calls to get through today

Locklin is wondering if he can afford another divorce

He thinks he's living life, hey

Let him try selling insurance in Oldham

The tape ends.

By the time I've finished my round

I've got through two more tapes

but these are "Dolly Parton's Greatest Hits"

and "Brass Band Favourites"!

© GERALD ENGLAND

Composed: Bardsley, 14th April 1990

Publications

1991 The Plastic Tower (USA)

1992 STEALING KISSES (Hyde, New Hope International)

1995 Boggers All (UK)

1998 The Bohemian Forest (Internet)