Ballade of Arthur Dent

BALLADE OF ARTHUR DENT

Damn the Sirius Cybernetics' Corporation,
there are things not said in the Hitchhiker's Guide.
I need some proper elaboration -
the Nutrimat seems to deliver pesticide!
I'm sure that my brain is about to collide
unless the mind in my head is an absentee.
There's one thing I've craved since I started this ride
- all that I want is a decent cup of tea !

Parts of the Universe defy exploration
but even Zaphod Beeblebrox won't know where to hide
when the Vogon's decide on redecoration
to fill all the lakes with hydrogen chloride -
such actions as Marvin could never abide,
but that paranoid android's only a draftee
in whom scatter-brained humans fail to confide
- all that I want is a decent cup of tea !

In Vogon poetry there's no melioration
but unless you appeal to the Captain's pride
the Heart of Gold won't see restoration -
only Bugblatter Beasts can breath carbon monoxide
and they actually thrive on cyanide.
Once I was an Infocom devotee
but now I'm considering suicide
- all that I want is a decent cup of tea !

ENVOI

Ford, I've followed you all the way across the great divide.
I realise there can be no guarantee
but seven sixes is the answer I'll provide
- all that I want is a decent cup of tea !

© Gerald England

Composed: Ashton under Lyne, 1st November 1986

Publications

1990 Weyfarers (UK)
1992 STEALING KISSES (Hyde, New Hope International)
1993 Periaktos (UK)