Sunday 6 February 2011

Me and the other Gerald


ME AND THE OTHER GERALD

Yeah, yeah, I know what I said
I don't write poems about poetry
I don't write long rambling
discourses on all and sundry
but hell when it happened
something had to give or else
or else or else or else or else.
Karl Heiss started it -
sent me a copy of HIPPO
and there I am listed as contributor
but I'm not - Gerald Locklin is
and there are his biog. notes
under my name - it won't do will it?
And the same day
I get sent a review tape from SLIPSTREAM
and it's Locklin rambling on
the way he does about the minutiae of his life
how he fucks his students
and makes poems out of non-events
sure he raises a laugh or two
and some of it isn't that bad at all
Well I stuck the tape in the car-cassette player
and listened to Locklin as I went to work
I stopped at Mrs Jones'
she tells me how her washing-machine
won't do what she wants it to
asks me what my wife would do
I know what my wife would do
but I'm not going to tell that to Mrs Jones.
Back in the car Locklin is laughing at himself
Mr Iqbal wants to find out if the maturity value
of his endowment that comes up next year
will be enough to pay the dowry
for his daughter still back in Pakistan.
Locklin is talking shit about Donald Duck.
Miss Prendergast says she can't pay me this week
the Social haven't sent her her giro
and she's had to buy little Gareth new shoes.
As she bends to pick the baby's dummy off the floor
I'm treated to a clear view of her floppy breasts
and she smiles at me.
Does she want me to screw her in lieu of payment?
Well I've fifty more calls to get through today
Locklin is wondering if he can afford another divorce
He thinks he's living life, hey
Let him try selling insurance in Oldham
The tape ends.
By the time I've finished my round
I've got through two more tapes
but these are "Dolly Parton's Greatest Hits"
and "Brass Band Favourites"!

© GERALD ENGLAND

Composed: Bardsley, 14th April 1990

Publications

1991 The Plastic Tower (USA)
1992 STEALING KISSES (Hyde, New Hope International)
1995 Boggers All (UK)
1998 The Bohemian Forest (Internet)


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